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. she couldn't believe that the thought of Jay going back with Ally had made her practically paralyzed. Oh my, she thought to herself, my feelings are much stronger than I realized. I wanted to ease into this. No chance of that, if there's competition from an old flame. A competition that I'd most likely lose, anyway.And then Crash spoke up. "Naah, Tina. Been there, done that, don't wanna do it again."Tina, oblivious to all the looks she was getting, pushed the issue: "You mean, if she asked you to go out with her again, you'd turn her down?" In a shot," said Crash. "She made her bed, she can lie in it. I,"-and he shot a little look at Jessie-"am moving on in my life."Jessie relaxed. Tina finally caught a clue, said, "Ohhhhh," and shut up.Most everyone had drifted to the lawn or the basketball court, but Crash and Jessie were still over by the picnic table, settled in a lounge chair, joking and laughing and feeding each other chip dip, and grapes."Who brought the grapes?" Crash. Now she had time to cook and enjoy a leisurely dinner, and time to be alone with her thoughts. Her thoughts scared her. She hardly recognized herself in the abused, submissive woman she remembered from her dreams. Lucid, horrifying, humiliating dreams two nights in a row. And yet her clearest memory from each dream was the overwhelming desire she felt for her abuser, the pleasure she felt when she submitted to his control, and the earth-shaking orgasms he gave her.Last night’s anal rape had been horribly painful, and it seemed to go on forever. But at the end — with no sexual pleasure involved at all — she still had the most powerful orgasm of her life.«I don’t know what’s going on with me. But these dreams are going to drive me crazy.»This idea of submission had once seemed so foreign to her, but she had lived in “Man’s World” long enough now that she had seen it happen many times. Women giving up their independence, their careers, their very lives at the behest of some man. Until.
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